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Animal Jokes
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THE RABBIT AND THE SNAKE
A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other.
Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are,
so they decide to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake
says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little
cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!"
Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay,
you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's
a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
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Bears with no ears
Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B. .
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Elephant Jokes
What is the difference between an elephant
and a flea? An elephant can have fleas but a flea
can't have elephants!
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Parrot Joke
What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A walkie talkie! |
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Can I see the dog?
... A family is driving in their car on vacation.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is
driving, is able to brake in time to avoid the frog.
He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to
the side of the road. The frog is grateful, speaks
to the man, thanks him and tells him that he will
grant him a wish. The man says, please make my dog
win the next dog race. The frog asks to look at
the dog which limps out of the car. The frog notices
that the dog only has three legs, it is very fat,
and can barely move at all so he tells the man that
he thinks it is almost impossible to fulful his
wish and asks that the man will tell him another
wish. The man says, Well, then please make my wife
win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog
asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
The wife comes out of the car and approaches the
frog. The frog turns to the man and says, "Can I
please have another look at the dog?".
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Elephants
... Why do ducks have flat feet? - To stamp
out forrest fires
Why do Elephants have flat feet? - To stamp out
burning ducks
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow? - To hide
upside down in bowls of custard
Never seen an elephant upside down in your custard??
- Then it must work How do you get elephants to
go into a mini? - Tell them there's custard in there
How do you know that an elephant has been in your
fridge? - Yellow footprints in the egg tray
How do you know that elephant has been to your house?
- There's a mini parked outside!
Q : How do you get two elephants into a mini?
A : One in the drivers seat, one in the passengers
seat.
Q : How do you put four elephants into a mini?
A : Two in the from, two in the back.
Q : How do you tell if there is an elephant in your
fridge?
A : Footprints in the butter.
Q : How do you tell if there are four elephants
in your fridge?
A : There's an empty mini parked outside your house.
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Talking Frog
A computer programmer happens across a frog
in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful
princess and if you kiss me, I'll hang out with
you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders
and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you
kiss me, I'll be your girlfriend for a week". The
programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess
and I'll be your girlfriend for a whole year!".
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you?
I've promised lots of fun with a beautiful princess
for a whole year and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time
for girls.... But a talking frog is pretty neat."
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